Category: Anger Issues

One Year After Mentoring: From Anger to Communication

Introduction: Navigating the rocky waters of young adulthood can be a major challenge, especially for those dealing with anger issues. It is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and often, the guiding hand of a mentor. We want to share this story with you. The journey of Matthew. A young adult who had been overwhelmed by anger. Matthew would go on to discover true self-awareness and emotional maturity through our mentoring program at Mentoring Young Adults.com.

Communication in The Early Days

Our journey began one year ago with Matthew. Matthew was often engulfed in persistent bouts of anger. Frustrations and outbursts were frequent friends in his day-to-day life, making it close to impossible to maintain any healthy relationship. With his parents Victoria and Berty, he tried out our mentoring program and after his first session, decided to give it a try. A great step in his movement towards learning to communicate conflict-free.

Building Trust and Communication:

The cornerstone of any successful mentoring relationship is trust and open communication. In the initial stages, building this trust was the key. It involved active listening, validation of Matthew’s feelings, and a commitment to support without judgment. This foundation of trust enabled Matthew to openly express his emotions and challenges, setting the stage for meaningful progress.

Encouraging Positive Coping Strategies:

As the mentoring progressed, the focus shifted to developing positive coping strategies. Through the guidance of Jason, Matthew explored various techniques like diaphragmatic breathing, mindfulness, and physical activities. Taking ‘time-out’s” when things felt overwhelming helped immensely. These strategies were not just theoretical concepts but were actively modeled by Jason, demonstrating their effectiveness in real-life scenarios.

Setting and Achieving Realistic Goals:


An integral part of the mentoring process was goal-setting. Together, Matthew and Jason identified achievable goals such as mastering a new skill, fostering healthy relationships, and engaging in hobbies. Each achieved goal was a cause for celebration, reinforcing the young adult’s belief in his ability to overcome challenges and progress.

The Transformation After One Year:

Fast forward to one year later, the changes were remarkable. This young adult who had been once besieged by anger had now developed a toolbox of strategies to manage his emotions effectively. Matthew learned the art of self-regulation, the importance of setting boundaries, and the power of positive self-speak. His relationships improved, and he found himself more in tune with his emotions and how to express them constructively.

Conclusion:

Matthew’s journey is a testament to the transformative power of mentoring. It shows us the importance of patience, personalized strategies, and the unwavering support of a mentor. As we reflect on this one-year journey, it becomes evident that with the right guidance, even those who struggle with anger can find their personal power and personal growth. This is our goal at Mentoring Young Adults.com

Expert Tips for Parents Wanting to Mentor a Young Adult Struggling with Anger Issues”

Parenting a child with anger issues can be a real struggle. The outbursts are never easy to deal with, and understanding why your child is struggling with anger and how to help them manage their emotions effectively can feel like a daunting task. But there’s hope. Mentoring has been found to be an effective tool for supporting your child in developing the skills they need to manage their anger and lead a healthy, productive life, according to Mentoring Young Adults.

Here are three expert tips from our mentors for mentoring your child with anger issues:

  1. Building Trust and Communication is Key 
    Establishing trust and open communication is the foundation of any successful mentoring relationship. Building trust with your child may be challenging, but it’s essential before you can support them effectively. Start by listening to your child without judgment, validate their feelings, and assure them of your commitment to help them manage their anger.
  2. Encourage Positive Coping Strategies 
    Positive coping strategies are effective in managing anger. Encourage your child to explore different ways of coping with their emotions, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or physical activity. Modeling positive coping strategies by practicing them yourself and sharing your experiences with your child can also be helpful.
  3. Help Your Child Set Realistic Goals 
    Motivate your child by helping them set realistic goals. Work with them to identify achievable goals such as learning a new skill, developing healthy relationships, or pursuing a hobby. Celebrate their successes and encourage them to keep moving forward.

Remember, seeking out an outside mentor can be extremely beneficial for both the parent and the child. At MentoringYoungAdults.com, we have a team of experienced mentors who provide a supportive and non-judgmental environment for young adults struggling with anger issues. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if necessary, as it can make a significant difference in your child’s overall well-being.

Schedule a Free 15 minute Consult to See How Our Mentoring Program Can Help Your Child.

Effective Strategies for Encouraging a Young Adult with Anger Issues to Try Mentoring”

As a parent, it can be incredibly overwhelming and distressing to witness your child grappling with uncontrollable rage and feeling unheard. One potential solution to help your child manage their emotions and feel validated is through the practice of mentoring. However, convincing a child who is struggling with intense anger to engage in mentoring can seem like an insurmountable challenge. Luckily, there are a few strategies you can employ to help convince your child to give mentoring a chance:

  1. Start by empathizing with your child and validating their feelings. Make sure your child understands that you acknowledge how they feel and that you are invested in helping them find a positive way to deal with their emotions.
  2. Outline the benefits of mentoring for managing anger. Emphasize how mentoring can provide a safe, supportive space for your child to express themselves and learn effective coping mechanisms.
  3. Allow your child to choose their own mentor so that they feel more invested in the process. Encourage them to seek out someone who they feel comfortable confiding in and who shares their interests.
  4. Make sure to be supportive of your child throughout the mentoring process. Keep in contact with their mentor through emails and attend parent support sessions with their mentor and check in with your child regularly to see how they feel about the process. Celebrate the small victories as well as the large ones and encourage them to keep pushing forward.
  5. Finally, set achievable goals for your child and their mentor. Start small, such as meeting once a week for a month or focusing on creating new skill. By setting realistic expectations, your child will feel less overwhelmed and more confident in their ability to manage their anger.

Mentoring can be a valuable tool for young adults who are struggling with intense anger and feeling unheard. By empathizing with your child, discussing the benefits of mentoring, allowing them to choose their own mentor, being supportive, and setting achievable goals, you can help convince them to give mentoring a try and equip them with the necessary tools to manage their emotions. Remember to be patient and understanding, as the mentoring process requires time and effort to be effective.

Schedule a Free 15 minute Consult to See How Our Mentoring Program Can Help Your Child.

Managing Anger Through Mentoring: A Guide for Parents of Young Adults

As a parent, it can be difficult to see your child struggle with anger issues. Anger is a natural emotion that can be triggered by a variety of factors, such as stress, frustration, or a sense of injustice. While anger itself is not inherently negative, it can become problematic when it is not managed effectively. Young adults who struggle with anger issues may experience a range of negative consequences, including strained relationships, academic or professional setbacks, and even physical health problems.

Fortunately, mentoring can be an effective tool for helping young adults manage their anger. Mentors provide a safe and supportive space for young adults to explore their emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. By working with a mentor, young adults can learn how to identify triggers for their anger and develop strategies for managing it effectively.

Mentoring can also help young adults build important life skills, such as communication, problem-solving, and self-advocacy. By developing these skills, young adults can feel more confident and empowered in their interactions with others, which can reduce frustration and resentment.

At Mentoring Young Adults, we offer a range of resources and services to help young adults manage their anger and improve their overall well-being. Our website provides information on the benefits of mentoring and how to find a mentor that is right for you. We also offer a variety of mentoring programs and services that can be customized to meet the unique needs of each young adult.

In summary, anger is a natural emotion that can become problematic when it is not managed effectively. Mentoring can be a valuable tool for helping young adults learn how to manage their anger and develop healthy coping mechanisms. At Mentoring Young Adults, we are committed to helping young adults build the skills and confidence they need to lead fulfilling, happy lives.

Click Here to book a free 15 minute consultation.

Life Coaching Young Adults: Creating Communication

As someone who trains Boomers and Gen X’ers in the art of life coaching young adults,

I often find that the best examples to explain my work to those wanting to know the secrets of working with young adults, comes from my own personal practice life coaching young adults. Today’s topic is: Mentoring Young Adults: Helping Parents and Teens Communicate or How to I Learned to Stop Screaming.

Although most people seeking help in life coaching for young adults are usually dealing with school failures, social anxiety, depression, pot or video game addiction (or both), it doesn’t take long until the other shoe drops. Parents and young adults with an equal and well earned disdain for each other. Its not that they don’t love each other, there are just too many war wounds to be ignored. What do we end up with? Each side shouting their “truths” across the room while neither side truly hears the other. How do we get to truly life coaching young adults from that place?

Want to get your child to not do something? 

Tell them you think it’s important!

Want to get a parent to nix an idea?

Have their child tell them that they think it’s a great idea!

How did it come to this?
How do we change it?
(You know what I am going to say… don’t you?)

Change comes from outside the family unit… through a professional Mentor/Life Coach.

Here are the tried and true steps I use on a regular basis and that the Mentors I train find immensely helpful (as do the families).

The 7 Steps to Transforming Miscommunication into Co-creation using life coaching for young adults.

Step 1: Parent identifies issues:

school issues, home issues, personal mental health issues (anxiety included). This is our first consultation either by phone or Skype.

Step 2: Mentor meets with mentee:

(the client is the young adult) and establishes goals, the challenges to those goals and the first sign-posts of success. This usually occurs in the first one hour Zoom session, the only time it doesn’t is when clients come to me as the sky is falling (read that as massive school failures that can no longer be ignored). We deal with putting out fires first and the on to the Goals; Challenges and Sign-Posts of Success. Zoom is the best way to reach young adults (vs in person therapy) as you are doing positive, healthy work with them in the place they tend to get messed up the most; their internet portal. This is how we show the mentee how life coaching young  adults can be of help to them.

Step 3: Parents are freed from having to play “cop”.

You get to let go of the head-butting, enjoy each other and email your Mentor the “issues” that keep coming up. Mentor and mentee look at each issue, and learn how to put them in perspective, how to communicate and advocate for themselves and how to understand the “other’s” perspective.

Step 4: Poop hits the fan.

So, you have all agreed to try life coaching for young adults. Both sides knew the calm would be short-lived. Something happens. The parents blame their child. The mentee isn’t responding to what they are saying but just yells back at the same decibel level: “Call Ken! Call Ken!” That p**ses off the parent even more (really not how I suggested to use the Mentor-in-the-middle get-out-of-jail-free card at all). The Mentor gets the client to hear the parents. The parents get to not want everything that has never been done to be done RIGHT NOW!!!! We all agree on a reasonable incremental way forward that makes sure everyone is heard. Fan de-pooped.

Step 5: The parent confession:

This is where I usually get a call or email from one parent thanking me and then calling themselves an awful parent. This is where I tell them the real truth: “You are a great parent! An awful parent gives up, doesn’t care or doesn’t notice. You are a parent who needs support from a Mentor to help you with a child who doesn’t respond to whatever worked when you were parented by your parent. That to me is not only a good parent but a wise parent.

Step 6: The mentee confession:

The Mentors that are now working with mentees through us are always amazed that our clients often share their truths about their short-comings and their frustrations in now knowing how to get out of those problems. That is why the system is based on empowering young people and not focusing on the failures. Next.. Mentee and Mentor go back to work. Parents send emails and the Mentee/Mentor team incorporate their home issues with the goals the client wanted to focus on. It works. Things get better. The mentee starts to succeed at school, at their personal issues, and at communicating.

Step 7: A new way of communication

The goal of life coaching young adults is create new ways of communication  for mentees and parents. “Open Listening”. First the Mentor trains the client in the system. We practice on friends or family members willing to try new things. Finally we show the family how to use it during confrontations. Would you like to know how open listening works?

What is co-creation?

It’s where both sides share their concerns, each side listens with an open heart to the other and together the create a new way forward. As missteps happen, both sides communicate, evaluate and recalibrate.

Interested in life coaching young adults professionally   Check out www.MentorsProfessionalWorkshop.com

Know a young adult in need of life coaching? Check out www.MentoringYoungAdults.com

The Slacker’s Guide to Success – Introduction

The Slacker’s Guide to Success is Ken Rabow’s method based on his work Life Coaching Troubled Teens, Young Adults and their Families over the past 13 years. Here is an excerpt. Enjoy!

An Introduction to The Slackers Guide to Success By Ken Rabow
So, you know you’re brilliant. Your parents know you’re brilliant. Your dog thinks you’re amazing, then why are so many things not working out in your life?

Hi, My name is Ken Rabow and I work with young adults struggling to find their place in the world. The ones I take on as clients are those who really want to make changes in their lives. Many of the clients I work with come to me when they have…
a) Been stuck in part-time jobs without a future
b) Become addicted to video games; or pot; or magic cards or something else.
c) Failed a course, a term or a whole school year
d) Major sleep or anger “issues”
e) All of the above.
Don’t you just love multiple choice?!?

As one of my clients once said to me:
“I really like staying at home, playing video games all day in my bathrobe…..
but I’m beginning to think that it’s not a great long-term plan”.
Let us call that client Skeeter. At the writing of this blog Skeeter is back in school working on a science degree. In his first semester, he caught the attention of an amazing professor doing ground-breaking research who has hired Skeeter in the lab.
So how did Skeeter go from being a stay-in-his room slacker to an up-and-coming science guy? And why should you care if you are into something else or don’t even want to go to school but have dreams of starting your own business or killer app?
Because! 🙂

Okay, that’s a parent-y answer. The real answer is that what worked for Skeeter can work for you in any field, in any format, in any situation. Your success will come from:
• finding your power
• learning to believe in yourself
• determining how to build habits that guarantee success and
• discovering the secret to success through messing up.

Yes, I’m here to tell you that you can’t really be great at anything until you can get past…. perfectionism.
That’s what this system is all about and it works! Each time. Every time.
I’ve seen so many young people change their lives around. There are a lot of people out there who deserve to learn how to be their very best and do great things in their lives.
I’ve written these articles so you can benefit from this “out of the box” approach that I have refined in my private practice over the years. This process that will enable you to succeed on your own terms. If you follow this method, you will find yourself growing in character and soon enough you will discover yourself achieving successes you didn’t dare dream of. You will find that it’s great to get out of bed every morning, feeling good about
An Introduction to The Slackers Guide to Success By Ken Rabow
doing things that earns people’s respect. More importantly, you will feel good about yourself for your personal achievements
.
You will need to do these exercises with a coach/mentor, preferably someone who is not a close relative or who sees you on a day-to-day basis. You need someone you can talk to, someone who will keep your secrets, someone who will respect you and let you grow at your own pace.
There are three sections in these articles and each section is one full stage of development. The first stage is personal development, the second stage, professional develpment is bringing your personal development out into the world with your new strengths and the third stage, inner development is giving back to the world and growing as a person.
Here is a brief outline of the 13 steps in three stages. Enjoy!
Stage One – Personal Development
1) Investigation: Looking at our strengths; challenges, past patterns; coping strategies and choosing role models and events or ideas as inspirations.
2) Opportunity: Searching for a mentor. Choosing three goals, defining the challenges to those goals and indicators of success
3) Mindsets: Abundance, Poverty Mentality and False Epiphanies.
4) Generativity: Creating your daily routine of a personal meaningful practice.
Finding the blocks that stop you from succeeding and creating remedies.
5) Out Into The World (and back again) Bringing your new skills in to practice in the outside world in a safe and limited way.
6) Setting limits: Learning to set limits gracefully on the time-stealers in your life.
7) Direction. (Following your bliss) Creating the groundwork for a successful, enjoyable life.
Stage Two – Professional Development
8) Out into the world: Putting into practice stage one in a more extended fashion and transforming all you have learned into new situations.
9) Forming new boxes of safety: Using mindfulness and success consciousness out there and seeing how they work in new situations while learning to feel safe.
10) Creating new generative structures. Schedules, coping and new friends.
11) Making your addictions work for you. Using your urges to indulge your addictions as a reward for doing the work you need to get done.
Stage Three – Inner Development
12) A complete life. Learning a sustainable daily practice of being mindful in
learning, work, relationships and even play.
13) Pay it forward: Once you’ve reached this point, your life is richer, you are happier and you will truly want to help others grow in their own way. This step will teach you how to do that.

Get the book; paperback or Kindle! Click here

Asperger Syndrome in Teens – Dealing with Rage and Anxiety

Asperger Syndrome in teens is often the perfect age for life coaching young adults with Autism.
Dealing with rage and anxiety can be truly surpassed in ways that neither the young person nor the family can imagine.

Case Study – Stephen – Aspergers Syndrome in Teens: Anger.
So, it was time for my Zoom session with Stephen. Stephen prefers to call himself Autistic and before the DSMV, he would have been labeled Asperger’s Syndrome but if he was happy, I was happy. But right now, Stephen was not happy.

You would have thought he would have been. Instead of a Florida vacation, as a reward for doing great in school in marks, class participation and interactions, his mom had given him the dream vacation of his choice. 8 hours a day of D&D.

Situational Challenges of Asperger Syndrome in Teens:
Unbeknownst to Stephen’s mom, there was a kid in his group that Stephen called an “ass-hat” who constantly annoyed Stephen and another kid from the moment they got their until the moment they left. Furthermore, instead of the nice drive in Mom’s Audi, they were going home by subway. (Wait it gets better). The subway cars were stopped and everyone had to leave due to a jumper on the tracks. (Wait it gets better).

Now after waiting for the bus or the streetcar for 30 minutes, both come at the same time and they are full of p—–off people, lots of sounds, smells etc., Stephen and Mom get home one minute before the Skype session with me is about to start….

The Chat with Ken Rabow
Skype does its little Skyp-ee tune. Stephen is not on the screen. It is Stephen’s mom. Behind her is Stephen screaming: “I don’t want to do it! I’m f***ing fed up” (etc). (I have not heard what had gone on at this point.) Stephen’s mom says the we shouldn’t have the Skype session because Stephen is in his ‘out of control fit” phase.

(guess how it turned out)
to be continued soon!

Have questions?    Click Here to Book a Free 15 Minute Consultation 

While you are waiting, Stephen and I put together an article which ended up in the Huffington Post about his issues with people trying to “make things easy” on people with Autism. Its a great read and got great response. You can read it by clicking here. If you like it please click “like” and share it.

Interested in mentoring young adults? Click here.

How Do I Control My Teen’s Anger Issues?

So many parents and teens find themselves in constant conflict these days.

One of the first questions I get on a regular basis is how do I control my teen’s anger issues? Anger is a huge issue these days. Is it more than other generations? That’s really not the issue if you are around a child who has major anger issues.

As in most things, anger issues are multi-factorial.

Any one, two or three things may push it up the heat thermometer, but it is the aggregate of 7’s, 8’s and more that bring you into the sphere of danger.

So how do we go from: “No! You’re not listening to me!!!” (for the one hundredth time) to smashed walls, tv’s or worse?

It is all about communication. If neither side feels like they are getting their message across and both sides feels they know what the other is going to say and you’ve heard it all before, then you are in a mobius loop of mood. Your teen’s anger issues just seem to increase.

Four Steps for changing the dynamics from anger to communication and having a (sometimes) harmonious home:

Replacing your teen’s anger issues with better communication.

Take turns being the listener or the speaker. Whichever you begin with, do the whole process before changing sides.

1) Listen without interruption. Listen with intention. Avoid any non-verbal cues that are anything but supportive. Your goal is to hear the speaker as if you have never heard them before or know their history.

2) Repeat back what you have heard in your own words. Do not add commentary. Ask if what you heard is correct and let the speaker correct or change as they choose and repeat back again their changes.

3) Empathize on how they feel. This is not about right or wrong. This is about hearing them and their point of view. The truth is, the gap between parents and children has never been greater thanks to the breakneck pace of change the world has entered.

4) Validate. Let them know how it makes sense how they would feel like they do coming from their state of mind.

Implementing the process of transforming teen anger issues:

This process should take place in an unregular place (like a basement couch, some chairs in the hallway; some place that you guys have never, ever yelled in.
This process should be tried in calmer times, not when the proverbial poop hits the fan.
Expect it to take around 12 weeks to build the mutual listening skills.
Once it has taken hold, you can try a time out in a heated moment to try the system and if at first it doesn’t succeed, keep trying.

One final note (in case you hadn’t guessed)… in regards to this column’s title: you can’t control your teens anything but you can inspire them to communicate by letting both sides be open to listening.

Ken Rabow’s Update:

Well. Teen’s anger issues are still in the top five concerns of the parents we meet with for mentoring young adults.
The good news is that good communication, having all parties let go of the triggers and allowing a third part (your Mentor) to help rebuild healthy ways for the whole family to work together truly ward of young adults and teen’s anger issues. Do they disappear. Probably… when they have kids of their own 🙂
But your teen’s anger issues will seem like a distant memory and good communication will be the order of the day.

Click Here to Book a Free 15 Minute Consultation