One Year After Mentoring: From Anger to Communication

Introduction: Navigating the rocky waters of young adulthood can be a major challenge, especially for those dealing with anger issues. It is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and often, the guiding hand of a mentor. We want to share this story with you. The journey of Matthew. A young adult who had been overwhelmed by anger. Matthew would go on to discover true self-awareness and emotional maturity through our mentoring program at Mentoring Young

Communication in The Early Days

Our journey began one year ago with Matthew. Matthew was often engulfed in persistent bouts of anger. Frustrations and outbursts were frequent friends in his day-to-day life, making it close to impossible to maintain any healthy relationship. With his parents Victoria and Berty, he tried out our mentoring program and after his first session, decided to give it a try. A great step in his movement towards learning to communicate conflict-free.

Building Trust and Communication:

The cornerstone of any successful mentoring relationship is trust and open communication. In the initial stages, building this trust was the key. It involved active listening, validation of Matthew’s feelings, and a commitment to support without judgment. This foundation of trust enabled Matthew to openly express his emotions and challenges, setting the stage for meaningful progress.

Encouraging Positive Coping Strategies:

As the mentoring progressed, the focus shifted to developing positive coping strategies. Through the guidance of Jason, Matthew explored various techniques like diaphragmatic breathing, mindfulness, and physical activities. Taking ‘time-out’s” when things felt overwhelming helped immensely. These strategies were not just theoretical concepts but were actively modeled by Jason, demonstrating their effectiveness in real-life scenarios.

Setting and Achieving Realistic Goals:

An integral part of the mentoring process was goal-setting. Together, Matthew and Jason identified achievable goals such as mastering a new skill, fostering healthy relationships, and engaging in hobbies. Each achieved goal was a cause for celebration, reinforcing the young adult’s belief in his ability to overcome challenges and progress.

The Transformation After One Year:

Fast forward to one year later, the changes were remarkable. This young adult who had been once besieged by anger had now developed a toolbox of strategies to manage his emotions effectively. Matthew learned the art of self-regulation, the importance of setting boundaries, and the power of positive self-speak. His relationships improved, and he found himself more in tune with his emotions and how to express them constructively.


Matthew’s journey is a testament to the transformative power of mentoring. It shows us the importance of patience, personalized strategies, and the unwavering support of a mentor. As we reflect on this one-year journey, it becomes evident that with the right guidance, even those who struggle with anger can find their personal power and personal growth. This is our goal at Mentoring Young

How One Year of Mentoring Transforms a Young Adult’s Communication Challenges.

It can be difficult to know where to look for help when your child has uniquel communication challenges. To help young adults overcome challenges in their lives, such as barriers to good communication, was founded.’s primary goal is to connect young people (ages 14-28) with adult mentors through individualized mentoring relationships. They empower young adults with life-changing skills by tackling issues such as anxiety, failure to launch, difficulties in school and the workplace, and difficulties with communication.

Our first step is to conduct a thorough evaluation of your child’s requirements and objectives. This will help the us choose the right mentor for your child. Online meetings once or twice a week give an encouraging setting in which to overcome communication issues and other life challenges.

Here’s what you can expect after one year of mentoring:

  1. Your child’s self-esteem will grow significantly as they learn to overcome challenges, which will in turn make it easier for them to communicate and form healthy relationships.
  2. Learning to listen is essential. Our mentees drastically improve their listening, processing, and response skills by using the tools they learn at
  3. Advances in articulation, vocabulary, and tone, as well as other aspects of verbal and nonverbal communication. Body language, facial gestures, and eye contact will all feel natural and will be skills they use easily and naturally.
  4. Your child’s social life will benefit greatly from their increased comfort and ability to communicate with others.
  5. Resolving conflicts: Learning to hear and be heard, free of conflict, makes it easier to resolve conflicts and find win-win solutions.
  6. Independence: Your child will be more prepared for the challenges of life as their communication skills blossom and develop.

For young adults who are having trouble communicating, the year-long mentoring adventure with makes an enormous impact. Communication skills, self-confidence, and the ability to function independently can all be developed with the help of individualized mentoring in a nurturing setting. is an excellent way to make a long-lasting, positive difference in the lives of your child. Join us in our mentoring journey and witness the transformation.

Schedule a Free 15 minute Consult to See How Our Mentoring Program Can Help Your Child.

Mentoring Your Child with Communication Challenges: 3 Expert Tips From Our Mentors

Effective communication is so important for success in almost every aspect of life. Many young adults these days have trouble communicating effectively in so many parts of their lives. It can be so frustrating to yourself struggling with communication issues as a parent. Mentoring can be a powerful tool to help build your child’s communication skills. Here are three tips from our professional mentors from to help help you help your child rise above communication issues. 

Tip #1: Encourage Active Listening

Active listening is a powerful tool towards building effective communication. Most young adults with communication issues have rarely, if ever, practiced this skill. As a mentor, it’s important to show a young adult the art of active listening. To truly listen, the listener must empathize and validate the speaker, free of judgment or justification. Practicing these skills in the proper manner with yourself or your child, switching who is the speaker and who is the listener will develop these skills over time. This will instill more natural and intuitive communication skills in challenging situations between yourself and your child, leading to improved communication with others.

Tip #2: Practice Communication through Emails

Writing emails can be an excellent way for young adults with communication issues to practice putting their thoughts and ideas into words. As mentors, we encourage your child to write emails to family members, friends, or even fictional characters. We begin with figuring out what we want to say to the reader, what is our goal, and the best way to say it. This exercise will help your child develop their writing skills, as well as practice expressing themselves in a structured and clear manner. Encourage your child to think about their audience and what they want to communicate before they begin writing. With practice, your child will become more confident in their ability to communicate effectively through writing, which can slowly be transferred into improved verbal communication skills by the same process.

Tip #3: Model Positive Communication

As mentors, it is essential we model positive communication behaviors with our mentees, the same applies for you and your child. This means using clear and concise language, maintaining a calm and respectful tone, and avoiding negative language or behaviors. When you communicate with your child, be sure to give them your full attention and respond in a way that shows you understand and value their perspective. Over time, your child will learn to model these positive communication behaviors themselves, leading to improved communication and better relationships with others.

Mentoring can be a valuable tool for helping children with communication issues improve their skills and overcome barriers. By encouraging active listening, practicing communication through emails, and modeling positive communication behaviors, parents can support their children’s growth in this area. However, it’s worth noting that sometimes the best way for a child to receive mentoring is from someone outside the family, such as a professional mentor from Our mentors have the training and experience to provide tailored guidance and support to help young adults with communication issues reach their full potential. Whether it’s through a professional mentor or a supportive family member, the important thing is to provide the resources and encouragement necessary to help your child succeed.

Schedule a Free 15 minute Consult to See How Our Mentoring Program Can Help Your Child.

A Parent’s Guide to Persuading a Young Adult with Communication Issues to Try Mentoring

Watching a young adult struggle with communication issues can be heartbreaking, especially when it’s combined with anxiety. However, there is a solution that has shown great promise: mentoring. Mentoring is a powerful tool for helping young adults develop the skills they need to succeed in life, especially those who may be struggling with communication issues. In this article, we’ll explore how mentoring can help, and how to convince a child with communication issues to give it a try.

Communication Struggles and Anxiety

Young adults who frequently experience communication challenges may feel overwhelmed, anxious, or frustrated in social situations. They may find it hard to express themselves, share their thoughts, and connect with others. This can lead to low self-esteem, isolation, and other mental health issues, including anxiety.

Mentoring Can Help

Mentoring is a great way to help young adults build critical communication skills. A qualified mentor provides a safe and supportive environment where the mentee can practice their communication skills. The mentor offers feedback, guidance, and tips on how to develop communication skills. By working with a mentor, the mentee gains confidence, learns to express themselves more effectively, and ultimately feels more at ease in social situations.

Building Critical Life Skills

Mentoring helps young adults develop a wide range of other important life skills, including problem-solving, time management, and goal setting. Mentors offer a fresh perspective on life’s challenges and opportunities, enabling the mentee to gain a sense of purpose and direction. Additionally, mentors provide guidance and support, helping young adults develop their sense of responsibility and accountability.

Persuading a Young Adult to Try Mentoring

If you want to encourage a young adult to give mentoring a chance, you must be sensitive to their communication challenges. Here are some tips:

  1. Listen: Take the time to listen to their apprehensions and difficulties with communication. Let them know that you are there to support them by genuinely listening to them.
  2. Explain Mentoring: Explain what mentoring is and how it can help them. Highlight the supportive and non-judgmental nature of mentoring.
  3. Choose a Good Mentor: Help them find a mentor who is patient, empathetic, and willing to listen. A mentor whose area of expertise is mentoring young adults. The mentor should be someone who understands the challenges of communication and is willing to work with the mentee at their own pace.
  4. Encourage Trying a Session: Encourage them to try just one session or one month of sessions (one hour each time online) to see if it might be worthwhile.
  5. Be Patient: Be patient with their progress. Communication struggles are challenging, but with the right support, they can overcome them.

Mentoring is a powerful tool for helping young adults who are struggling with communication challenges. By providing a supportive and safe environment for practice, mentoring helps young adults develop their confidence and enhance their communication skills. When attempting to persuade your child to try mentoring, take the time to listen to their concerns, assist them in finding a suitable mentor, and be patient with their progress. With the proper support, they can overcome their communication hurdles and soar!

Schedule a Free 15 minute Consult to See How Our Mentoring Program Can Help Your Child.

Rising Above ADHD Challenges: The Power of Parent-Mentor-Child Teamwork

Being a young adult with ADHD can be a challenging experience. However, with the right tools and support, you can help your child improve their focus and achieve their goals. One of the most effective ways to do this is by working as a team with a mentor and your child.

Mastering ADHD is all about developing specific skills and strategies that can help your child overcome their challenges. By working with a mentor, your child can learn how to better manage their symptoms and develop strategies for success.

The first step in this process is to find a qualified mentor who has experience working with children with ADHD. At World Wide Youth Mentoring, this is one of our specialties. It’s essential to find someone who your child can trust and build a strong rapport with. Our mentors provide your child with a safe and supportive online environment where they can explore their strengths and challenges.

Once you’ve begun our mentoring program, it’s time to start working as a team with your child. This involves sharing issues with your child’s mentor through emails. Allowing you child and mentor to set clear goals and expectations for themselves, and communicate regularly with you through emails and “Parent Time”. You can help your child by providing your mentor your observations of the effects the mentoring is having at home.

One of the most effective strategies for helping children with ADHD is to establish a routine. That is what your mentor will do guided by your child’s input on a way that works for them. This will be challenging and there will be many false starts. By keeping the lines of communication open with your mentor, you will help the mentee/mentor team know what works based on your observations.

Remember Pavlov! In some ways, all the false starts in the past may make our mentee’s parents respond to any of the “old routines” as a panic-inducing fear that this will not work. If we have our mentee doing 30 minutes of a routine, followed by a break and then another 5 minutes of a routine, we have built the framework for success. It will take a while. However, that success may still look to the parent as nothing has changed when seeing the 15 hours a day of video gaming continuing. (It used to be 16 hours 🙂

Communication with your mentor and asking what they are working on and how it is progressing can keep the Pavlovian pooch at bay.

Raising a child with ADHD can be a challenging experience. However, by working as a team with a mentor and your child, you can help your child develop the skills and strategies they need to succeed. By working as a team with your mentor through emails and Parent Time, you can help your child overcome their challenges and achieve their full potential. With consistent support and encouragement, your child will thrive and succeed in all areas of their life.

When you a ready to see if Mentoring Young Adults is the right step for you, click here.

From Anxiety to Confidence: Parental Strategies for Helping Young Adults with Social Anxiety

Social anxiety can be a challenging condition for young adults, impacting their ability to make friends and engage in social activities. Although the best success is though a professional mentor who specialized in working with young adults, we want to offer some things you can try at home on your own. Here are three things parents can try at home to help their child with social anxiety, based on the insights from

  1. Encourage Socializing: Parents can encourage their children to engage in social activities that align with their interests. This will help the child to feel more comfortable in social situations and make friends with similar interests.
    Challenge: This works best when a mentor has built the frame-work to be ready for this. Don’t get discouraged!
  2. Create a Safe Space: Parents can create a safe and supportive environment at home for their children to share their feelings and experiences. This can help to build trust and confidence, and help the child to feel more comfortable in social situations.
    Challenge: If you use a space like the dinner table to “interrogate” your child (you thought it was just asking how their day was… they perceive it as interrogation), you must find a safe space that is NEVER used for “interrogation”.
  3. Model Healthy Social Behavior: Parents can model healthy social behavior by demonstrating how to engage in social situations and maintain healthy relationships. We all learn best by example, and seeing healthy social behavior modeled by their parents can help them to develop these skills themselves. That also means eliminating confrontational dialogue in the face of home challenges and learning active listening to employ in ALL situations at home.

Remember, helping your child overcome social anxiety is a process that requires patience and persistence. By encouraging socializing, creating a safe space, and modeling healthy social behavior, parents can provide their children with the tools and support they need to build friendships and feel more comfortable in social situations. And if you feel that your child needs additional support, consider connecting them with an online mentor who can offer personalized guidance and encouragement. Together, you can help your child develop the skills and confidence they need to thrive socially and emotionally!

When you a ready to see if mentoring is the right step for your child, click here.

Making Connections: How Mentoring Can Help Young Adults Overcome Social Anxiety and Build Friendships

So many parents who want their child to try mentoring come up with the challenge of encouraging their young adult to try mentoring, especially when of the main issues is social anxiety and making friends. Here are some ways to suggest to your child why mentoring could be beneficial.

Highlight the positive impact that mentoring can have on social anxiety. Explain how mentoring provides a safe and supportive space to help them build confidence and self-esteem, as well as work on communication issues.

You can also point out that since it is online, it is an easy space to practice socializing in a controlled environment.

Moreover, you can point out that these mentors are there for them and will work on whatever the wish to work on, effectively allowing them to be in charge of the process. Explain that a mentor can help them improve their communications skills, work on different forms of anxiety and help them deal with the outside world in a slow steady progress, based on what would feel comfortable to your child. The mentor is there to help your child discover their sense of purpose and direction.

It’s important to assure your young adult that mentoring is not a form of therapy, but rather something different that may benefit them in various aspects of their life. It is action-based. Additionally, emphasize that they have the power to choose their goals, and be in charge of the whole process.

Lastly, it may be helpful to offer your support and encouragement throughout the mentoring process. Reassure them that you believe in their ability to overcome their social anxiety and that you know it is scary to try new things but you believe it is worth a try and you know how hard it is to try new things. They just need to try (one session or four sessions), or an hour session on a video-call to see if this might be for them.

Remember to approach the topic with empathy, understanding, and an open mind.

When you a ready to see if mentoring is the right step for your child, click here.

Breaking the Cycle of Isolation: How Mentoring Can Support Young Adults Who Struggle to Make Friends”

Social anxiety is a common issue among young adults, making it difficult to meet new people and build meaningful connections. Many young people struggle to communicate effectively, especially with those outside their comfort circle. However, by mentoring young adults, we can teach them valuable social skills and help them overcome these barriers.

At, we use a variety of methods to help our mentees develop confidence and build social skills. We empower young adults to learn how to understand and empathize with others and how to communicate in a way that builds relationships.

Through mentoring, we work with our mentees to understand how others think and feel. We help them practice active listening and teach them how to communicate effectively in different situations. We provide a safe and supportive environment where they can test out their new communication skills and build on each micro-success.

Our mentoring program is tailored to each individual mentee’s needs and goals. Whether they’re struggling with social anxiety or simply looking to improve their social skills, we help them develop the confidence and communication skills they need to build meaningful connections with others.

We provide a wide range of resources and tools to support our mentees’ growth. We work closely with them to set goals, track progress, and provide ongoing feedback and support.

By mentoring young adults, we can help them overcome their social anxiety and build the skills they need to make friends and build relationships. We believe that every young person deserves the chance to build a happy and fulfilling life, and we’re here to help them achieve that goal.

Click Here to Book a Free 15 Minute Consultation 

Unlocking the Power of Communication: How Mentoring Can Help Young Adults Build Critical Life Skills

Effective communication is a crucial life skill that helps young adults navigate relationships and achieve success in both personally and professionally. As professional online Mentors, we are trained to help your child to slowly and steadily grow thier communication skills. We know that young adults often struggle in this area, particularly when it comes to communicating with others outside their “comfort” circle (usually those online).

For young adults dealing with school, work or social situations, communication issues are often a significant barrier to establishing a productive and meaningful relationships. Many young people find it challenging to communicate with anyone, especially those they don’t know well, and this can lead to missed opportunities, frustration, and a lack of progress.

The first step in overcoming communication issues is to find a mentor experienced in working with young adults specializing in building communication skills in a safe, judgement-free environment. This is one of the great advantages of online mentoring, the mentee is in their safe space on their portal to their world. As mentors, we also model effective communication skills, hearing and being heard which empowers your child to become more open to good communication.

Our mentoring program for communication issues begins with small steps, practicing basic conversation skills, learning to listen and be heard and builds from there. Often you will be a practice partner, sending a short email or text message to start. Over time, your child can gradually build up their communication skills, moving next to emails to teachers or for jobs, followed by short phone calls their fears of what to say, what could go wrong, what I don’t understand them and more are slowly eliminated through writing out simple scripts and practicing with their mentor..

It begins with the mentee’s goals shared with their mentor and the mentee realizing they have a partner who is open and receptive to their concerns and ideas. By actively listening to your child and responding with empathy and understanding, we build trust and establish the foundation for effective communication.

Our major focus is noticing the small wins along the way, the micro-successes. When your child successfully communicates with their mentor or takes a step towards greater communication skills, we acknowledge and reinforce their progress. This positive feedback fosters positive self-speak, building confidence and motivating your child to continue working towards all of their goals while being more open to speaking their truth gracefully, respectfully and confidently.

Communication issues can be a significant barrier to success in an all areas of life. It can also be the opportunity to transform every aspect of their lives through an experienced mentor trained in a master mentoring program. You can help your child develop effective communication skills that will serve them well throughout their lives. With patience, persistence, and a commitment to growth, your child will blossom into a confident and skilled communicator seeking their best life.

Click Here to Book a Free 15 Minute Consultation 

Life Coaching Young Adults: Creating Communication

As someone who trains Boomers and Gen X’ers in the art of life coaching young adults,

I often find that the best examples to explain my work to those wanting to know the secrets of working with young adults, comes from my own personal practice life coaching young adults. Today’s topic is: Mentoring Young Adults: Helping Parents and Teens Communicate or How to I Learned to Stop Screaming.

Although most people seeking help in life coaching for young adults are usually dealing with school failures, social anxiety, depression, pot or video game addiction (or both), it doesn’t take long until the other shoe drops. Parents and young adults with an equal and well earned disdain for each other. Its not that they don’t love each other, there are just too many war wounds to be ignored. What do we end up with? Each side shouting their “truths” across the room while neither side truly hears the other. How do we get to truly life coaching young adults from that place?

Want to get your child to not do something? 

Tell them you think it’s important!

Want to get a parent to nix an idea?

Have their child tell them that they think it’s a great idea!

How did it come to this?
How do we change it?
(You know what I am going to say… don’t you?)

Change comes from outside the family unit… through a professional Mentor/Life Coach.

Here are the tried and true steps I use on a regular basis and that the Mentors I train find immensely helpful (as do the families).

The 7 Steps to Transforming Miscommunication into Co-creation using life coaching for young adults.

Step 1: Parent identifies issues:

school issues, home issues, personal mental health issues (anxiety included). This is our first consultation either by phone or Skype.

Step 2: Mentor meets with mentee:

(the client is the young adult) and establishes goals, the challenges to those goals and the first sign-posts of success. This usually occurs in the first one hour Zoom session, the only time it doesn’t is when clients come to me as the sky is falling (read that as massive school failures that can no longer be ignored). We deal with putting out fires first and the on to the Goals; Challenges and Sign-Posts of Success. Zoom is the best way to reach young adults (vs in person therapy) as you are doing positive, healthy work with them in the place they tend to get messed up the most; their internet portal. This is how we show the mentee how life coaching young  adults can be of help to them.

Step 3: Parents are freed from having to play “cop”.

You get to let go of the head-butting, enjoy each other and email your Mentor the “issues” that keep coming up. Mentor and mentee look at each issue, and learn how to put them in perspective, how to communicate and advocate for themselves and how to understand the “other’s” perspective.

Step 4: Poop hits the fan.

So, you have all agreed to try life coaching for young adults. Both sides knew the calm would be short-lived. Something happens. The parents blame their child. The mentee isn’t responding to what they are saying but just yells back at the same decibel level: “Call Ken! Call Ken!” That p**ses off the parent even more (really not how I suggested to use the Mentor-in-the-middle get-out-of-jail-free card at all). The Mentor gets the client to hear the parents. The parents get to not want everything that has never been done to be done RIGHT NOW!!!! We all agree on a reasonable incremental way forward that makes sure everyone is heard. Fan de-pooped.

Step 5: The parent confession:

This is where I usually get a call or email from one parent thanking me and then calling themselves an awful parent. This is where I tell them the real truth: “You are a great parent! An awful parent gives up, doesn’t care or doesn’t notice. You are a parent who needs support from a Mentor to help you with a child who doesn’t respond to whatever worked when you were parented by your parent. That to me is not only a good parent but a wise parent.

Step 6: The mentee confession:

The Mentors that are now working with mentees through us are always amazed that our clients often share their truths about their short-comings and their frustrations in now knowing how to get out of those problems. That is why the system is based on empowering young people and not focusing on the failures. Next.. Mentee and Mentor go back to work. Parents send emails and the Mentee/Mentor team incorporate their home issues with the goals the client wanted to focus on. It works. Things get better. The mentee starts to succeed at school, at their personal issues, and at communicating.

Step 7: A new way of communication

The goal of life coaching young adults is create new ways of communication  for mentees and parents. “Open Listening”. First the Mentor trains the client in the system. We practice on friends or family members willing to try new things. Finally we show the family how to use it during confrontations. Would you like to know how open listening works?

What is co-creation?

It’s where both sides share their concerns, each side listens with an open heart to the other and together the create a new way forward. As missteps happen, both sides communicate, evaluate and recalibrate.

Interested in life coaching young adults professionally   Check out

Know a young adult in need of life coaching? Check out

Help For Young Adults: Communication

The goal of these articles is to change your life for the better:

To find lasting help for young adults, you have know how you perceive your children. How they interact with you and how you learn to be your best in the world in the very place where it is most difficult… amongst the people you love. All of that will change for the better!

When parents contact me to help them help their teen or young adult find their way, the whole family often seems lost and without hope. Dealing with depression, anxiety, School failures, pot addiction. Once they hear how this system works they often say something like: “this is the first time in a long time when I have felt some hope”. This is true help for young adults.

Help for Young Adults in a Book

The system I work from is based on my first book “The Slacker’s Guide to Success – 13 steps to Personal Success in the New Millennium”. It works for almost anyone. Most young people really do want to succeed and do good work while gaining a sense of self-worth (this may sometimes be hard to believe for those who know these young people but not by me). Given the proper tools these teens and young adults find their way to success.

Something very interesting happens as they progress and the parents see the impossible occur. It becomes very clear that the old ways of communication between parents and their children also need a new way to evolve to a richer and healthier way.

How Does This Book Create Help for Young Adults?

This book shall give you the tools to discover your child as the new person they are becoming and they are a new person. Not because of their Mentor. Not because of surmounting their challenges (although both of those things help). They are a new person because that is the evolutionary truth of people. The baby you held in your arms is not the same person that the toddler became. The toddler is not the same person the teen became. The young adult is again completely different again. In fact, look at your own life. Investigate the things you have done at different ages and think about how you would have felt being judged at these different stages by the things that challenged you as a child.

Here is the greatest part of the new skills you will gain: You will meet a whole, happy, healthy person who has been the object of your life since you first laid eyes on them. This new person will bring to your new relationship, new thoughts, new things to share and their own wisdom to enhance both your lives.

Isn’t that worth the price of changing your own habits of being heard and listening in a new way? Yes. That’s right. The title of this book is “How to Be Heard” but (and you can quote me): “If you want to get something… give it”!

To get help for young adults: The best way to be heard is to learn a new way to listen.

That’s what this book will help you do. Give you a great way to be heard by you taking the time to learn to listen. This is the work I do with the parents willing to try something new as they see how well their child and I communicate and how I am able to get their children to do things that they have been hounding those kids to do for what seems like an eternity.

Actually, I never get anyone to do anything. I show people things what “others” want them to do. We investigate. We analyze and I listen to the client’s (the young person’s) thoughts and we go from there. To the parents, it seems like I “got” their kids to do what they had always known their child should do but never would do.

In fact, I simply laid out options and let the client choose. The difference might seem arbitrary to some but I hope that when you have finished practicing what this book preaches, you will know the difference and it is a country mile apart.

First, I shall share with you the secrets of what your child really means when they say things. Are you ready?

To Find Help for Young Adults: Learn to Speak Gen Z


The ultimate passive-aggressive diss.
Fine stands for f***ed up, insecure, neurotic and emotional.
When a child gives up to your repeated requests and says “fine” what they are really saying is “it is so not worth arguing with you. I shall give you this agreement, which is not really an agreement but my disdain for you, your clothes and the high horse you rode in on”. (Caution: Gen Z’s don’t actually speak that way. This is my translation of them in a way that you can relate to ☺

“I’ve already done it”!

(Translation) “I know and you know I haven’t done it and we both know that if I say I haven’t done it you will yell at me and then I will yell back so, in effect, I have vowed to get this done after I play endless amount of video games… unless I forget… which doesn’t count because I intended to…”

“Yes I will”!!

“My friends are waiting for me online to keep playing the game. You are merely an annoyance and so whatever I tell you now is my nice way of not telling you to f*** off because I want to play. You should appreciate that. Promises void where prohibited by my doing you a favor”.

“I promise”!!!

“Oh my G-d!! Did you not understand what I meant when I said “Yes I will”?!? Read the above translation. Trust me. I am doing you a favor. YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”

The real promise:

“I really intend to do whatever it is you have asked of me if I happen to remember it (which is not likely based on past experience) and I do believe that my intention should be all that is truly required of me. The resentment I feel from you reminding me over and over that I NEVER do these things just makes me want to do these things even less. That is all”.

I’m sure you know what we call the act of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome:.. Parenting.

Here is my promise to you; learn the steps in this book and work on them with your child and others and you will not need those conversations ever again. They will be replaced by communication; cooperation and mutual respect.

How to Use This Book and Get Help for Young Adults

This book has a companion book written for your child. Please, for the love of Crisco, don’t read theirs’. There’s nothing secret in it but it says soooo much about you if you do read it and so much more about you if you don’t.

The best way to use this book is to do a quick read of it once all the way through and highlight the parts that are most meaningful to you. Then take each chapter and work on your parts on your own, and with your child when it calls for it, for a month. The whole book will take one full year to go through. (Hello? Hello? Still there?)

Yes. In this world of “three easy things to make your child do whatever you want” (good luck with that), I am saying that the true meaningful way to communicate with your child will take time, patience and determination. Only constant, steady work in small regular doses on your part and letting them work on their part will bear the fruit you seek: To truly be heard.

The Three Stages to Create Help for Young Adults

The three stages you will experience are:
1) Unlearning
2) Reframing and
3) A new beginning.
There are explanations for each of these at the beginning of each stage.

Every stage is a complete separate entity with four steps to guide you towards completion. The 13th step is about taking what you have learned into all future chapters of your life. Acknowledging and honoring yourself for the journey you have taken in being heard. More importantly; learning a new way to listen.

Sometimes we do great things but don’t take the time to acknowledge what we have accomplished. To climb that mountain and not take the time to take in the view from the summit is not have taken the journey in our hearts. Our hearts needs the time to reach whatever physical summits we achieve in life. Always take the moment to let all of you; your physical, mental and spiritual/emotional sides witness the great things in life.

May your journey be filled with challenges. May you overcome each challenge with inner-faith, kind self-speak, grace and humor and may the creative force of life guide your path with a sense of adventure and wonder.


Ken Rabow

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Secret S**t Your Kids Won’t Tell You

There are so many things that teens and Millenials think that are simply not being heard by their parents. How do I get to hear it? As a life coach for troubled teens and unmotivated millenials, I ask the simple, slightly obvious questions that it seems no one asks them or takes seriously.

What is weird is that once you hear the answers they seem obvious and they actually work!
This will be series of short facts and solutions.
If you like them or if you have one you want us to look at please comment at the bottom of this blog.

The following are in no apparent order. Just when they are shared by my clients.

Case Study #3 – Why I Have So Much Anxiety Reason # 12

Kid’s Statement: I never know what will trigger it but when the anxiety comes I lose all control and feel lost. I get these attacks 4 – 6 times a day.
Fact: Most anxieties have specific triggers.
Question: How many attacks to you get?
Response: I’m always anxious. I get many attacks a day. I can have between four and six in a single class.
Ken: Are their times you can control them?
Client: Yes.
Ken: When and how.
Client: When they are not taking over. I can just calm myself down.
Ken: What is the range for your anxiety?
Client: My panic scale goes from 1 – 20. Up to six I can calm myself down. At 10, I’d stay home. 10 – 15 is a no man’s land. I’m a crying mess. At 20 I won’t remember saying or doing things. Over 10 I’m sort of out of control. Between 6 and 10 grounding exercises will help me snap back out of it.

Ken: What if I could show you a way to be anxiety free for one day a week?
Client: I would get anxiety without my anxiety.
Ken: That makes sense. Let’s find something that you would be OK having instead of anxiety. That let’s you feel safe. In command. And that you might prefer.

Result: Client now has two anxiety-free days a week and averages two to three panic attacks on other days. Client goes above 10 only once every one or two weeks and the over-all scale is reducing in intensity. Client is also finding that they can enjoy the healthy feelings they are choosing on the anxiety free day and has begun writing brilliant poetry.

Ken’s Comment: There is no way that this sort of issue that presents itself in this way can be dealt with by close family members. It requires an outside coach. My concern is that certain people would be too quick to medicate such a client. Although I am in favor of medication when self-harm is apparent, I do not feel that such a client, in this case required it and in fact, they didn’t.
Sometimes the triggers are not the first place to go. If the client already has some coping mechanisms, I want to get those “solid” before going back to the triggers. Everything is based on what the client’s strengths are. Rules are made to be broken 🙂

TIP #! Daily Showering (or the lack thereof)
Statement: “I only shower when I need to or if I have worked out or if I’m going out somewhere special”.
Fact: They sometimes smell like a homeless person.
Question: “Why don’t you wash more often?”
Response: “It dries out my skin”.
Ken: “What do you wash yourself with”.
Client: “(A commonwealth country) spring”.
Ken: You know, its close to impossible to really tell if you smell ok or nasty at least 1/2 the time. If I got you a quality shower soap, that didn’t have toxic crap in it, had moisturizers and didn’t have you smelling like a tart. would you try it?
Client: Sure!

Client now washes (almost) every day.
Ken’s comment. Up until now the discussion between parent and child stopped at you smell like a homeless person.

TIP #2 Reasons NOT to study – Reason #372

Kid’s Statement: I always intend to study and the day just slips away from me. Before I know it, the day’s done.
Fact: You know you’re not going to study and we know you’re not going to study.
Question: Why aren’t you studying?
Response: I just can’t seem to get organized.
Ken: If you started doing three 5 – 15 minute sessions of study a day, do you think you could handle that?
Client: I think that is do-able.
Ken: Let’s just start with that and figure out in each day the best time to get those sessions in and see what happens. Tick them off in a chart so we can figure out your best patterns.
Client: I can handle that.
Result: Within one month, client is doing three 15 – 25 minute sessions and learning how to take brakes (and what kind to take) and get back to studying.
Ken’s Comment: Parents pointing out the problem or telling them to “just do it” only reinforces the child’s self-condemnation. It’s kind of like the Chinese finger puzzle.

Stay tuned for more Secrets!

Young Adults Communication Issues

Young Adult Communication Issues: Baby-Boomers and Cyberdonians

Baby-boomers. You thought you had it all together, man!

Like, you were totally prepared! The right retirement savings plan, paid off the house early, avoided Bernie Madoff and even had time to live a healthy enough lifestyle to enjoy your retirement but… the dread young adults communication issues.

The one thing you could never have planed for,
the one thing that makes Madoff look like a shmear at Carnegie deli reared it’s uncoiffed head… Cyberdnians! Young adults communication issues, work problems, school challenges, etc. If we were prone to metaphors, we might liken them to hurricanes on cyprolex… wiping out people’s savings, destroying homes (at least making them very messy), going into a rages or depressions without warning and sleeping really late while texting… so much for the metaphors.

Now here you are having to continue to work to pay for a 2nd or 3rd university education to prepare your 20-something to work as a Barista (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Cyberdnians: You thought you had it all together, bro.

You had it totally planned. If by planned you mean buying into the ‘rents song and dance about education, hockey and
showing up for Christmas (and actually talking), avoiding the great recession by … oh wait… you didn’t ☹ They way you see young adults communication issues is in your parents problems. (they feel the same way btw).

The one thing you never planned for
, the one thing that makes the great recession look like a bad socio-economic hair day is the dreaded… Boomers! If we were prone to metaphors… OK, so I like metaphors, get over it! It would be like a big needy Kangaroo on Prozac, sucking up all the fun in life and sitting it’s big ass down on that place in line called “the gravy train”. Sucking up all that gravy, while letting some of it drop onto it’s gravy-stained golf shirt. Slowly, it turns back to the millennial stuck behind them in the next Kangaroo pouch and says “suck it up princess, its your fault I have to keep working”.

But wait! There is a way out of being stuck in the gravy-train line to nowhere-ville.

Here are the seven things Cyberdonians and Boomers can do to survive each other and eliminate young adults communication issues.

1. Avoid really talking to each other!
Talking is vastly over-rated. All it does it force you to actually hear the other’s side of things and that can only lead to understanding. which makes resentment much more difficult.

2. Eschew finding things you have in common. It’s soo hard to mock someone when you have common ground. Stuff you both like can really challenge the best reasons why everything is the other person’s fault.

3. Circumvent occasions for pleasantries. Nothing good comes from giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. They have a better opportunity for “winning” and you have missed the best opportunity for a cheap shot.

4. Sidestep teaching moments. Your job is not to teach by example, your job is complain why they aren’t doing what they should be doing.

But wait! There’s more!

5. Circumnavigate the cesspool of “sentiments”. Hey if showing your vulnerabilities would help, Oprah would be a multi-millionaire by now.
And exactly how could showing your vulnerabilities ever help the other side to do anything but take advantage of you. Better to be a dork with a cork then take the chance of sharing your deepest feelings.

6. Duck danger with disbelief. Believing in them? What is this, the land of the lost boys? Nine out of ten scientists have proven that showing lack of faith for each other is a great way to enjoy the day… of course they also said that about cigarettes in the 50’s.

7. Unconditional Love? We don’t need no stinkin’ unconditional love! It’s so messy. It makes you feel things and let’s face it, most of the times in the past when you opened up your heart to them, they didn’t just step on it, they ground their heel in it, through in some chipotle mix, a can of refired beans and then made a meal out of it. Why would anyone take the chance of unconditionally loving someone when things have gone wrong in the past?

There you have it.

The secrets to surviving each other in a challenging time.
Let me know how it worked for you. Did I mention I have some swampland for sale?

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Communication, Gen Z and The Curse of Social Media

So, my iPhone 5 went on the fritz. 🙁
I called AppleCare and got a really professional, organized, thoughtful Cyberdonian who helped me. We did a diagnostic on the phone and it was clear it was fried 🙁 🙁 🙁

He was so helpful that towards end I told him about what I do for living. It was clear from the way he responded that something was bothering him. Considering the stellar service he had just given me, I said he could ask me any one question and that I would try to answer it for him.

He said: “I really wonder about my overuse and my friends overuse of social media. I feel like we don’t communicate anymore except through Facebook, texting, Etc.. Friendships have been ruined. I find it’s hard to keep friends and if I wanted to approach someone, Truthfully, I locked the confidence to do so.

I’m really not sure how we should approach one another. Especially if you want to go on a date. I’m not sure how I should ask her out. Text her? Facebook? (I notice he didn’t consider phoning her). I really believe that relationships are being ruined by social media and I’m not sure what to do about it. What should I do?”

So many people these days are commenting on the fact that teens and young adults really are losing the ability to know how to communicate in person with each other. What is more alarming is that when you going to a restaurant people of every age are sharing a meal while spending most of the time communicating with people that are not in the room.

I paused for a moment… and then I said to this vexed young man from AppleCare:
“you represent a great quality in Gen Z’s these days. You were searching and not accepting the status quo. I think social media is a great tool. But as with everything, things must be in moderation.

Before I talk about some things you could do to deal with the communication, I would suggest we talk about how to deal with the overuse of social media. I would recommend “micro-Sabbaths”, “mini-Sabbaths” and “major-Sabbaths” as a great starting point.

In my definition of “sabbath”, I am referring to the idea of break from everything electronic. No phones, no computers, no means electronic communications or electronic games.
A “micro-Sabbath” would be A 30 minute up to two hours a day of electronics free time.
A “mini-Sabbath” would be a 2 to 4 hour time period on a given day free of electronics.
A “major-Sabbath” would be A full day from waking up to sleep of electronic free time.

The next question is what to do with this time.

You could use it to read (I think they still make books).
You could use it to go for walks.
Paint. Play music. Sing. Dance.

… or you could practice an ancient ritual called…

Communicating with family, friends, business people and loved ones.
Communication is an art. The goal is to learn about someone’s passions, someone’s pleasures and someone’s peccadilloes. In short, Great communication should be about sharing one’s heart.

How do we do that?
Ask them a question about something that is important and meaningful to yourself.
Really listen to their answer. Try to understand their response from their perspective and share how that makes you feel.”

The gentleman from AppleCare and I were expected to converse on the simple and rudimentary level but upon seeing A fellow human being who cares and is searching I took the opportunity to communicate.

Here is my challenge to you.

Take one of these Micro sabbaths and tweet me how you used that time and I will share it with everyone I know and ask them to do the same.

Let’s see what happens.

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Communication: How to Con Your Parents into Listening to You

Okay. Lock the door. Pull down the shades (do you have shades?) and cozy up to a truth every teen knows: Parents never really listen! You know that, your friends know that, that guy with the crazy hair down the street says his parents listen but he’s home schooled. So here’s the big question: How can teens and young adults teach their parents how to listen?

But first, let’s look at some of the complaints teens have about their oblivious parents:

Teen: Mom, I’m taking the bus to school today.
Actual meaning: I made a huge dent in the side of the car last night.
Parent: That’s okay, dear; I could use the car for shopping this morning, anyway.
Complaint: Like, didn’t she get it? Oh, she will. She will.

Teen: Dad, can I stay at my friend’s house and play more video games?
Actual meaning: We’re too bloated on cheese doodles to move.
Parent: Well, as long as your friend’s parents are okay with it, I guess so.
Complaint: Like, I guess if his parents don’t know we’re pigging out, we’re fine. So, why does Dad mind I’m covered with cheese doodle paste… and so are the sofa cushions… and the carpet… and the dog ….

The thing is, most of the time teens are fine with not being listened to by their parents. But here’s the problem: What happens when you really need them to? You see, all your training in getting them to ignore you isn’t going to come in handy. You’re, like, the kid who yelled woof! Or barked, or something.

So, how do you get your parents to listen when you need them to?
Well, here’s the bad news. You can’t. They’re too old to change their ways and they only get smart again when you’re around 25. But here’s good news!. If you start to listen to them, they will start listening to you! I know, I know, it’s a lot of work, but let me tell you: it’s worth it.

Try this at home folks! Next time your parents are blathering on about something, pretend that it’s important.

Take mental notes of what they’re saying and see if you can make sense of it in your superior teen mind. Then say it back to them, to make sure you understood what they said, but in your own words. If they tell you that was exactly what they meant, then act like you care. Tell them how it would make you feel if that had happened to you. Try to imagine what it would be like.

Tell them it makes sense to feel the way they do (All the things you never hear). But now, get ready for the sick part: It actually feels really good to do this sort of listening. Only a teen could do it so well. But you never know, sometimes parents can learn new things before you are 25.

Also, if you try this listening thing out on friends, they actually start listening back. Whoah! Before you know it, you may find this stuff is habit forming. Listening and being listened to. It doesn’t suck!

Mentoring Young Adults Can Help Your Child

To know why mentoring young adults may be the proper way out of the challenges many parents face these days, we must look at where so many families find themselves. There are so many parents of troubled teens and young adults who are at their wits end, not knowing how to deal with their children. Communication is an issue. Hygiene is an issue. Sleep is an issue. Video gaming and overuse of the Internet is an issue. Let’s face it, there’s a lot more of issues than anything else! Let’s look at why mentoring young adults may be the solution for your child.

Finding Success through Life Coaching Young Adults
People seek a life coach for teens and young adults when they come to a certain realization. It’s okay to have an outside party be there to create something more than medication or talk therapy may achieve. That something is a slow and steady concrete process. One that will bring hope back to your child. One of earning their own belief in themselves. To be successful and rise above challenges and failures. To learn that failures and mistakes are the route to their greatness. Most importantly, to learn the value in day-to-day simple disciplines. Disciplines based on things that they would enjoy doing, bringing a rightly earned self-confidence to them.

The Proven Method
My book “The Slacker’s Guide To Success” chronicles the entire 13 step process, but to put it in a nutshell: a young person needs to seek out a life coach that they are willing to trust and be open to trying new things with. They must then be willing to look at their goals and their challenges to succeeding and finally to start a daily chart of the small successes that will instill in them a sense of the possibility of succeeding in the real world.

How Some People Limit Struggling Teens and Young Adults
I meet so many young people that so many have said of them that they will never be able to succeed. Often, all the family and relatives were hoping for was for things to not get worse and yet these young people have soared and have found their greatness.

The ones who did not succeed, did not succeed because the expectations from their family and friends were for an immediate fix. The kind of profound inner changes I am speaking about in this article are slow and steady. But if all those concerned take the time, have the patience, determination and certitude to see this through, the rewards will be immeasurable.

Remember This:
Do not give up hope. Do not think that you are alone. Reach out for someone to help you and the changes will come. They may be slow but they will be astounding…  Ken Rabow

Update by Ken Rabow – Dec 2017
Here it is four years later and I find that in life coaching young adults, I am still finding so many teens and young adults with anxiety, sleep issues, communication challenges and more. The good news is that working with this system, mentoring young adults really does help these young people AND their families have successful lives where they can hope again for a great future.

What does it take? Find the right mentor to mentor young adults. Taking the time to let them learn the system, to create positive daily routines and grow as a young adult. To fall on their butts, dust themselves off and try again.

Mentoring young adults is not a fast solution but if it works for your child, it is a long lasting solution. Mentoring young adults can help them throughout their lives. It requires the same work to un-mess up someone as to help them find their greatness. Most parents come to us bereft of hope. They want to help their child not fail. As people mentoring young adults, we seek how to help them not only not fail but to soar to greatness. Each person has greatness in them. Sometimes a mentor is the best way forward.

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